Why Do I Meditate Everyday?
Because of this.
I have always struggled with anxiety, nervousness, overthinking, overanalysing.
I know I am not alone.
Sometimes it has been pretty mild and tolerable, but more often than not it has been truly debilitating, impacting so many corners of my life.
It started I think about 9 or 10. With hormone changes and all the stuff that is happening to your body, it is easy to see why. But that doesn't make it anymore pleasant. I was nervous at school, in class I would never speak, worrying I would say the wrong thing, even though I knew I logically I knew the answer. I always shied away from attention and just tried to keep quiet and hide.
I thought it best if I was hidden then no body could complain or criticise me. It was a way of me keeping my self safe. Call it self preservation.
I hoped I would grow out of it, surely being adult would snap me out of it. Adults seem to have all their shit figured out, well at least that what you think when you are a kid. Sadly, becoming qualified as an adult doesn't make things go away, in fact it became even worse. There was even more shit to get anxious about, about your looks, socialising, going to uni or applying for new jobs. Basically it seemed being an adult was a constant ride of putting yourself out there and stepping out of your comfort zone into craziness.
I managed like most young adults do, I had a few drinks to help me over the shyness and anxiety.
If you saw me in the street you wouldn't think i had every had issues with shyness or anxiety. But back then, I just hid things well. I mean I did a lot of crazy stuff, I went to Ibiza on holiday and never came back, moved to dublin, spent time in the states where I initially had no one, oh and I left a 10 year relationship on a crazy whim to move to Sydney, Australia, a city I actually never liked when I visited last.
I was good at juggling my anxiety.
I thought I could just live with it, it was a part of me.
That all changed in 2010 when I had my first baby.
Nothing prepares you for this shit. Like nothing.
Because of my anxiety I had been gifted some sessions to help me deal with Motherhood. And whilst it was lovely to feel heard, it didn't do much good.
I went into postnatal depression.
After a few lifts with medication and interventinon, I knew I could no lonber go on like this.
It was not good for me and it certainly wasnt good for my new family. If you are a mum you will appriciage how things can turn to shit in the blink of an eye.
I had to take control of my anxiety and mood. I had to control my emotions to live the life I wanted to live. I mean it was no longer just about me. I was the backbone of the family, and when I crumbled which I often did, I was creating anxiety in everyone else, especially my new little bundle of joy.
I have employed a lot of techniques to help with my anxiety, deep breathing, positive affirmations, changing my focus, changing my environment, they are all huge, especially the breathing but i think the biggest tool I can encourage anyone to use is meditation for anxiety.
I know it sounds boring and so unproductive, but if you can change that mindset, that mediation is in fact the cement that holds the bricks together, you can potentially change everything.
Dont worry I was the same as. The old me would have laughed at the notion of focussing on your breathing, let alone 5. "waste of time", but I was looking at it all wrong.
Use the analogy of the training at the gym. You spend an hour or so tearing up your muscles, this is what exercise does. The only reason you do this is so that your muscles can regrow stronger when they heal. But what happens if you don't allow your muscles to heal and to rest and the fibres knit back together. Then you simply dont develop.
Your mind is the same.
It needs time to rest an recover. After all it is not the tearing of the muslces in the gym that makes you stronger, but the quality of the rest the next day.
Don't get me wrong.
Most days I try to put of it and pretend (make excuses) i don't need it "i have too much to do", "I dont have the time" "you can manage" "just one day off won't hurt"I try to
"𝗶 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼", "𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲" "𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲" "𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝗳𝗳 𝘄𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘁"
But then i have to stop, and remember of the person I DON'T WANT TO BECOME. Snappy, impactione, shouting at my kids, panicy and very anxious.
It takes some discipline to schedule time for you to do it, and doing it every day is a must if you actually want it to work. But if you are serious about taking control of your brain and your life, then it should be a no brainer.